This whole blogging thing was inspired by Bailee. She’s the one who told me to do this because she knows my love for writing and she knew I needed an outlet for my emotions as she was preparing to get married and move far away from me…so I guess it’s not surprising that most of my blogs have been about her and this journey she’s been on. I knew I needed to write one last blog in what has been sort of a “series” on Bailee and her big life changes…which in turn have been big life changes for me. My heart just hasn’t been able to face writing this final episode of the journey. Every single time I would start my thought process for this post I would either have a mental block, an ugly crying meltdown or (in normal Angie fashion) I would get distracted. Well it is time to write the last chapter to this part of our lives…if you are a fan of my crazy blogs then don’t worry because I still need “therapy” because I have two more kiddos I’m raising, therefore many blog posts will be coming your way. In fact, I already have one written about Alex, but just didn’t feel like I should post it until I got this one out of the way.
It has been exactly 3 weeks and 2 days since I stood in the Atlanta airport and did the hardest thing I’ve done so far in my 47 years of life! Gosh!! I can’t even write that without tearing up, but it really was. I had gone over the scenario in my mind in the days leading up to February 9…when Bailee left to join her sweet husband in Italy for the next 3 years…but there was no way to even imagine what it would really feel like. I was going to be so strong for her, for Robert, for Alex & for Anna Kate. I was going to save my tears for those moments when the rest of my family had fallen asleep for the night and I could just cry myself to sleep. I was going to save those tears for times when I would be in the car by myself and I could just cry and pray to the Lord to take care of her and to help us not to miss her too bad. All I knew was I was NOT going to break down…nope not me…I’m a strong mama and I can hold it in. Well…that strength did not last long at all…I was the first one to break down and I mean like a BABY. I have no clue what I was thinking when I thought I could do that and not be emotional.
As Bailee was about to give us our final hugs and goodbyes she handed a letter that she had written to Robert and me. She also handed a letter that she had written to Alex and Anna Kate. She wrote these letters the night before. She told us as she handed them to us and as she hugged us that when she walked away she would not look back. She did just that…that beautiful, independent soul God gave me the privilege to raise hugged all of us twice, cried, said goodbye and that she’d see us later, and she walked towards that security line and never looked back. We watched her walk away until she got through the checkpoint where we could see her no longer. HARDEST. THING. I. HAVE. EVER. DONE. (I hope my computer does not short out because it’s all coming back to me and I am ugly crying as I write this…glad the webcam isn’t on…LOL).
Bailee and Josh have gotten settled into their home and are doing great. Now to keep up with her you no longer have to follow my blogs because she has started a YouTube channel where she is posting Vlogs of their adventures and lives in Italy. Please subscribe to her channel, give her Vlogs a thumbs up and comment on them. She is excited to share them with everyone. Here’s a link to her channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCB6GCCVu1dpQ0Tw0V0lbz3Q
Before I end this post and this “series” I want to share the letter that Bailee wrote to Robert and me. I would also love to share the one she wrote to Alex and AK because it is an amazing testimony from a Big Sis…but that’s their letter and theirs to share with who and when they want. Bailee, Robert and myself have all agreed to share our letter because for me it gives insight to how we’ve all come full circle and how God has blessed her with us and us with her.
From Bailee (written February 8, 2018)
Mom and Dad,
I had a letter written already back in September or something. But tonight I just have more tears and words to say to you. It might be pretty scattered because I am not ok right now.
Tonight is one of those many nights where I cry and cry and all I can tell myself is “I can’t do this.” I pray to God and ask Him how can I possibly walk away from my family and everything I have ever known. You two were my first ever loves on this earth and are the ones who raised me and taught me how to be a decent human being. I cannot thank you enough for everything you’ve taught me. You have taught me the importance of being the bigger person in hard times. You’ve taught me my manners. You’ve taught me not to waste, my time or my food. You’ve taught me little but important things like brushing my teeth to wrapping presents. Mom, thank you for helping me with all my essays. Dad, thank you for taking me on all of your grass cutting jobs when I was little even if all I did was sit in your truck. Mom, thank you for yelling at me when I really needed to be yelled at. Dad, thank you for being the nurturing one. Thank you for taking me to church every Sunday. Thank you for caring about my grades. Thank you for buying me clothes and all of the other things I probably didn’t need. I could go on and on, but most importantly, thank you for giving me the best, most perfect life I could have asked for. You’ve always done for me more than what I deserve and I want to be the parent that you were to me. Because I’ve had the best example set for me, I know I have the makings to be a good parent. And I’m sorry for not always treating you like I should’ve. I’m sorry for all the tears and fights I caused. But I am especially sorry for all the tears I’ve caused with me leaving you. I am so sorry for breaking your hearts like this, but I promise with all of my heart that no matter where I am, I will make you proud. I will never forget who I am or where I came from. This is my home, and I will miss everything about it. I’ll miss watching the TV shows and halftime shows. I’ll miss sitting next to y’all in church and crammed on the couch at night. It’s crazy how fast time rolls by, but that only means my time away from you will be short, so don’t worry. I will soak up every opportunity while I’m away, but won’t forget about my family. Please don’t forget about me either. If I could take you all with me, I would. I know that looking back at your faces in the airport will be the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life so far. But with that being said, I consider myself blessed to have a family that’s so hard to leave. I love you with all of my heart and I will see you soon,
Bailee
Words of Heart 
One thought on “Saying goodbye….”