It’s been a year since what I can only describe as the worst and best day of my life. The worst because at this point in my life I have been very blessed that I have not had to experience any tragic life moments with anyone closest to me. All of my grandparents have passed away in my lifetime…one when I was very young and the other three in my twenties. Of course it saddened me to lose them…but when I was six I didn’t totally understand…and in my twenties they were all in their 80s and 90s and it was a blessing to see what long, full lives they had lived. But seriously, I’ve watched both my parents endure absolutely tragic, unexpected deaths of siblings, my sister in law go through the death of her son, my husband go through the death of his mom, and I’ve had best friends of mine go through tragic losses of their closest family members. I’ve experienced people so close to me go through awful divorces, cancer, loss of everything they own due to fire and so many things that they would consider the worst thing to ever happen to them. So when I write that February 9, 2018 was the worst day of my life and tell why…there are those that may think that’s not so bad…and maybe it isn’t…but for whatever reason God has spared me so far in this life without anything worse.
So that day was the day that I truly felt my heart break. The day that I knew what it felt like to feel a big hole in the pit of my stomach. The day that I knew what it felt like to know I no longer had any say so in the life of my child. And for me it’s the saddest day I have ever experienced in my life. There is just a helpless feeling that overwhelmed my entire being when I hugged my beautiful daughter and put her on a plane to go live in another country….a feeling so strong that I can feel it to my core as if it were yesterday when I write this. Worst. Day. Ever. For. Me.
Now let’s go back to the part where I also said it was the best day ever also! How can that even be? I just described the heartbreak and emptiness I was feeling so how can anything good come from that. Well the beginnings of this being the best day began 18 years earlier on June 7, 1999 the day she was born. You see…that day when Robert and I looked into those big, brown eyes of our beautiful baby girl we knew the responsibility God had just laid before us. So right then we dedicated her to the Lord and made a commitment to raise her according to His word. We promised to teach her to love Him and to love people the best we possibly could. We promised to share the Gospel with her and to love and nurture her the way Godly parents should. We definitely did the best we could through the years…with many bumps and bruises along the way…but we tried very hard. Our daughter soaked Jesus and His ways up. She is a Godly young lady who seeks to follow His will for her life no matter what. Is she perfect? Nope…she’s human and a born sinner…just like her parents…but she’s saved by the blood of Jesus Christ and is forgiven.
So…a year ago today was the happiest day ever because we watched that baby girl spread her wings and fly. She was ready. She prayed and sought God’s will for her life and this is where He led her. He led her down a most uncommon path for her age, but one that to this date has been an incredible journey and one that has brought glory to Him. She has a precious husband and together they have a marriage that is Christ-centered. She has adjusted to living on the other side of the world amazingly. She’s continued to pursue her college degree without skipping a beat. They found an English speaking, Jesus loving church that was planted by Americans. They serve with passion in their church as youth leaders and God is using them in a mighty way.
So today I don’t look back at one year ago with sadness…I look at it in amazement at my daughter who lives boldly…boldly for what she believes in and what she knows is right because of her relationship with the Lord. Now…I ain’t gonna lie…I can’t wait to hug her sweet self again and will be happy when she lives on American soil again…but until then my prayer is God uses her where she is and that she and Josh continue to follow Him boldly and intently!
Words of Heart 