It’s been 3 weeks since the saddest day of my entire life thus far. I have been really numb and foggy since. Today I have been wanting to hold on to everything and every memory of him I have. I searched my journal all morning to see when I wrote about him beginning to get sick again after his burst of life over the summer. When I found it I cried. I wrote about it only two short months before he went to heaven. Then I searched my text messages. I screenshot all of my favorites from him…I love how he always used the most random emojis. Then I realized his voice is starting to fade from my memory. So, I searched my phone for voicemails and found one. I listened to it over and over…and cried.
Today way hard. Tomorrow will be better…maybe. God is still and is always good. My daddy was diagnosed last March. It seemed as though he only had one to two months to live. He lived 9 months from the diagnosis. In those 9 months I had four friends, who I consider close friends, lose their daddies. Most of them had no idea they would lose their daddy before I lost mine. Through their losses they are understanding of mine. I get messages from at least one or two of them every other day checking on me! They are still grieving, but they are checking on me!!?? That’s because they understand. I need them and so many other friends who understand and check on me. I don’t like that any of my friends had to lose a parent, but I am thankful that they use their experience to bless me. I hope…when my mind and heart are ready…that I can use this experience to bless others as I’ve been blessed.
Please continue to keep my mama and my sisters and our families in your prayers. We are all struggling…differently…but struggling. My mama especially. Her heart is broken.
Words of Heart 
Things are so hard when you lose a parent. People ask me about mine because I never talk about them.. The same with my Mother.. I never had Grandparents.. My Mother’s Mother and Father died on the same day a couple of days before Christmas..Her Mother was sick and her Daddy went to the well to get water .When he did not come back my Daddy went to check on him and he had had a heart attack and was already gone.. Her Mother had died in the house.. My brother was 3 mo old. My mother had 1 sister and 2 brothers. They had to wait out side the church on a rainy cold day because the funeral before them ran longer than they planed ,, I just can not imagine!! MyMother and I were VERY close. We did not have a good life at home. My Dad lived several different lives but put on a very good face outside. I always say you never know what goes on behind closed doors. I never loved my Daddy. I was not scared oh him but I had to protect my Mother and brother. I was 3 yrs younger than my brother, When my Mother died I thought I was also . Thank God for my wonderful Sim. I did not see my Daddy but a few times after my Mother died. He married again within three months ..Lasted about a month or two. The soon after he married Alice. They were married 18yrs. Thank God for Alice she took wonderful care of him. I never went back to his house but about twice. Once to see Alice and once when he was dying..oh I prayed he would look at me and say I am sorry but he did not. I have not been back to my Mom’s grave because they buried him there..I just have no need to go now.. I am so sorry to be telling you all of this. I told Bailee a little. But Sim and I keep it to ourselves.. Br PROUD YOU HAD A GREEAT DADDY THAT LOVED YOUR MOTHER. CHERRISH THE GOOD AND I PRAY FOR YOUR MOM .. I KNOW SHE MISSES HIM ..ALL OF YOU GIRLS ARE A BLESSING…YOU HAVE EACH OTHER,, I KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS ALL THE TIME.. I AM SO PROUD GOD PUT JOSH AND BAILEE TOGETHER.. CAN’t wait for July !! Sorry for the missed placed words I do not have glasses or contacts right now.Will get new ones next week. I should have waited but I would not have written this then.. it love you and your family !! Sue
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