When God puts that restlessness in your soul…

Recently, on a Sunday morning In July, I was having the most anxiety I believe I have ever had over a huge life decision I had made. The following day I was literally turning in my retirement papers. I was leaving all I had known for the past 28 years. I was leaving the financial comfort and the professional comfort I had worked so hard for. Why? Because the Lord told me to.

I’ll go ahead and tell you…I did not have some big moment where I heard His deep, powerful voice. Believe me…that would have made it so much easier. No, instead, He prepared me and worked on me for a few years to be ready for this monumental event in my life. The desire to retire and the restlessness I was feeling began immediately in my 25th year of my career. Maybe, because that’s the earliest I could retire and receive my full retirement benefits, but honestly I truly believe it goes much deeper than that.

I now know what I didn’t even know a month ago. God put that restlessness and that desire within me. So I did what any human would do…even a Christian human…I tried to handle those feelings myself. I went and had my retirement numbers run and set up a meeting to understand all of it. I left that meeting very defeated. The numbers that were set before me made me realize I wasn’t retiring anytime soon. Like for real…looking at those made me realize it would be at least 10 years before I could do this. That’s when I began to pray. Should’ve done that to begin with, but I’m hard headed and dumb sometimes.

My prayer was “Lord, please take this desire and this restlessness from me, or please Lord show me a way I can retire and not jeopardize the livelihood of my family.” Well, again I didn’t hear an audible voice, but He told me “not yet”! That wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but I complied and I prayed.

The events that took place in my life from 2017-2019 have been documented and those events were the reason God made me wait. He knew the storms I was about to experience and that I needed not only the stability of my career, but my colleagues…who are also some of my closest friends. He knew I needed to be surrounded by as much love and support He could give me from my earthly friends and family. Through my job, He brought new, precious people into my life that He knew I needed. Did He take away my restlessness and my desire to retire away? Not exactly…He did help put it on the back burner though.

To keep this from being any longer I’ll finish with the short version. The restlessness came back with a vengeance this past school year. When I thought I might breakdown God answered my prayers in a mighty way. He put the retirement wheels in motion and He made it abundantly clear that is what I was to do.

Back to that Sunday morning in July. That old enemy tried to creep into the plans God had for me through way of fear and anxiety. I quickly sought refuge through devotion and Gods word. He met me there and gave me the perfect devotional and scripture to let me know not to worry…He had me. I shared this devotional on Facebook and shortly after received a private message from a sweet friend. She shared the wisdom and scripture that had been shared with her a few years earlier by a mutual friend of ours who has now gone to live in her eternal, heavenly home. This is what she shared: “God uses restlessness to help direct our steps.” She also gave me the verse that had been given to her to lean on and boy am I leaning on it.

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Today, if God has put a restlessness within your heart or soul…let Him use it to direct your path. I won’t lie…I still have feelings of what if I’ve made a mistake? What if I heard Him wrong? What if, what if….stop! That’s the devil. When you seek God’s face and His path for you…it may not always be easy or obvious, but He will guide you and protect you. Spend time with Him. Spend time in His word. He will not steer you wrong. He may not make it easy, but he will carry you through!