Dear Mama….

I just want to tell you how amazing I truly think you are. You have to be one of the strongest people I know, and the fact that I get you as my mama is like winning the lottery. I wish…oh how I wish…that I could go back in time and take back the times I treated you poorly or took advantage of your kindness, but I can’t…and not that this blog post or letter to you can make up for those times, but maybe it can let you and the whole world know just how awesomely, amazing I think you are.

First of all….please tell me how you did it? How did you raise four girls, work full time and yet managed to keep the laundry done, give us a hot breakfast and dinner on the table every night? Did you ever sleep? I look back and I remember that I never had to worry about finding clean clothes to wear or if we’d have to scrounge for dinner…my poor kids know “fend for yourself” as a meal option way too well. Thank you for that mama. I never thanked you for it. Now…I know how hard it must’ve been to stay on top of all that and I just don’t know how you did it, but thank you.

Secondly, thank you for Christmas! I mean I know the true meaning of the season because of you, but you always made Christmas so special to us. It is my absolute favorite time of the year and it is because of all the fond memories I have from my childhood. One of the most special ones I remember is what I call in my head “the cabbage patch Christmas”. It was the Christmas when every little girl on the face of the earth wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid and they were ultimately impossible to find. Oh and I wanted one so, so badly. You pretty much broke it to me that there was no way I was going to get one because they were sold out everywhere. I remember how I dreamed of that doll, but was convinced I wasn’t getting one. Then Christmas morning came…you and Daddy did the same old song and dance…we woke y’all up, Daddy said go back to bed cause Santa probably didn’t come, we didn’t, then we had to wait for Daddy to go turn on all the lights in the living room all while saying “Santa didn’t come”, then we ran in there. There she was…my precious Cabbage Patch Doll with her blond hair and pink dress. I never knew and may never know what you had to go through to get her, but thank you mama! I still have her…I always thought I would give her to my daughter if I ever had one, but when the time came around…I just couldn’t…she’s that special to me.

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I want to thank you also for being such a good wife to my daddy. He struck gold the day he found you. I wish I could just be half the wife you are mama. I know why he has stuck around for almost 65 years…because he has the best wife in the world. You have taken care of him for so long and now it just blesses my heart to watch him do the same for you. I know how hard things have been for you since you’ve lost so much of your eyesight. Having your independence to drive, sew, read and do so much taken from you has been so hard, but your husband, my daddy has made it his mission to be there for you and help you with things that you can’t do so easily anymore. He does that because he knows you deserve it. He knows what all you have done for him and us over the years and he is just returning your kindness.

Lastly, I want to thank you for your steadfast, constant prayers and for being a Godly influence on all of us. Mama your dedication to your relationship with God, your prayer life and your Christian walk is the best gift you ever gave any of us. I truly believe, with all of my heart, because of your faithfulness that we all turned out pretty good. I believe our lives have been blessed because of the prayers you prayed for us every day of our lives. Now, as I watch all of your grandchildren…my sisters’ kids, my kids, my sisters’ kids’ kids…I see generation after generation who are blessed by you and your prayers. (Psalm 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go;even when he is old he will not depart from it.)

Mama, I know you aren’t boastful and you are so very humble so forgive me for putting this out for all to see. You deserve some honor for being who you are. So this letter is for you, but it is also to honor you and the beautiful soul that you are. This isn’t even a tenth of the things you’ve done for me and in my lifetime, but hopefully it gives you the idea of how much you mean to me and how very much I love you!

Sincerely,

Your baby daughter (and now maybe your favorite daughter…just kidding, just kidding)

Disconnecting in connected world…

Social media…whew boy…how did we ever live without it?? Well, honestly, I long for those days again…the days before “posts, likes, follows, tweets, snaps, unfriended, blocks” and so on. I’ve raised one kid and raising two more in a world I honestly have no background knowledge in…we’ve learned this social media thing together and half the time they’re teaching me stuff about it. While I find it to be a great way to keep up with friends, family and to stay connected to people, events and so much more…I also see something that is destroying the next generations ability to communicate face to face in an effective manner. Not only that, but they are affected by having “connections” at their fingertips 24/7 that there’s never any time to “disconnect” from their friends, peers, school, activities and so on. This instant communication is often resulting in negative affects on social interaction, relationships, focus, time management and so much more.

Remember the good old days of talking on the phone! I can remember how excited we were when my parents got the extra long chord on the phone because then we could stretch it from the kitchen into the living room where we could lay in a chair and have a semi-private conversation with friends and boyfriends. Oh and the first cordless phone our parents brought home…you would’ve thought we’d hit the lottery. I mean we could actually talk on the phone in our rooms!!! SCORE!! All of those luxuries, but still one phone line, time limits on how long we could talk and sharing with the whole family…now families fight over sharing DATA. Let’s not forget the good old busy signal before the days of call waiting. I mean really…we actually had to keep calling someone back to wait for that BAA BAA BAA BAA BAA to go away and hear the phone ring on the other end. No instant connections back then…which meant a whole lot of time to disconnect. I am sure lots of relationships were saved and words unsaid because we often had time to calm down or really think about how to handle a situation.

Texting…what did we do before we could text! I ain’t gonna lie folks…I am SO GLAD texting was invented, however it’s ruined emotion and tone in a conversation. I don’t care how many emojis you put they just don’t take the place of a good face to face conversation or even face to face argument. Texting also ruined the art of letter writing and notes!! I hate that my kids won’t ever get those butterflies when they open up their locker and see the cute folded note from their crush and the anticipation of scurrying to class only to hide behind a text book to read it!! Oh those were the days. And letters…my oldest had to write letters to her now fiancé when he was in basic training last year. She got to experience mailing a letter and waiting for one in return. Those days when she opened the mailbox and saw that envelope with her name on it brought her a joy she will never forget. Now I bet 95% of conversations…meaningful ones and non-meaningful ones…are held through text.

I know it seems as though I am bashing these inventions of social media, cell phones on every person, and texting. I am really not because if I was I’d be a hypocrite. I use all of them on a daily basis and at this point sometimes don’t know how I survived without them. However, I just think we can have too much of a good thing…right? I think it’s important to remember our roots. It’s important to remember the value of communication…face to face…voice to voice…communication. It’s important to “unplug” often.

And as far as social media goes…well we love to make sure our posts are Instagram and Facebook worthy right? What about the lives we are living on a daily basis? Shouldn’t we make sure they are Instagram and Facebook worthy? Just some food for thought on this random Monday in December…

God never gives up…

This was originally posted on Facebook July 17, 2017

Warning…This may be a lengthy read, but well worth it because the testimony within is so powerful. I think it is important to share her story because someone reading this may be going through something similar or know someone who is. Her story could make a difference to someone’s life, therefore I feel convicted to share. I have her blessing to share this as well.

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This is Anna Kate! Anna Kate is my mini me in so many ways, however she is amazingly unique and one of a kind! To know her, and I mean REALLY know her, is to love her even though she can aggravate you to the core sometimes…because the next second she will have you laughing till you cry. Looking at that smile it would be hard to know the complex emotions, anxiety, and spiritual battle that was happening on the inside of this beautiful girl for quite some time. When I look back and try to pinpoint when I saw the battles within her it goes back to 7th grade. She was having a difficult time adjusting to school and there were times that it just seemed like no one took her school struggles seriously. We had to do quite a bit of advocating for her to get everyone on the same page and to realize her potential and how to reach it. Her saving grace that school year was band! It was the only thing that kept her from completely giving up academically…she kept it together so she could stay in band. What I never realized, and shame on me, is she wasn’t leaning on the Lord to get her through that difficult year. We were praying and asking Him for guidance, but I don’t really think she was. BUT…He was always there for her…tugging, nudging and never giving up.

On to 8th grade…so, so, so, much better. She had matured, we had found a better routine to help her in school, band was going great, and she had a teacher who got her…I mean really got her. This teacher found her strengths and her uniqueness and channeled those in a positive direction for her. Having that from the get go of the school year made all the difference. I mean I was still praying for her, but you know how it is when things are going good….we forget to Praise Him and thank Him and we definitely forget to give Him the glory sometimes. Second semester comes along in what I thought was smooth until she started sinking….this time not academically, but emotionally. She finally revealed to me the anxiety and spiritual battle going on within her. You see…Anna Kate accepted the Lord to be her Savior when she was in second grade…right along with her twin brother. The only problem was there never seemed to be growth or real change. I just passed it off as she was still maturing…maybe at a different rate than her twin brother or that her older sister had at that age…oh but hind sight being 20/20 now I know it was so much more than that.

The last several weeks of 8th grade my sweet Anna Kate was battling thoughts that her salvation may have not been true. She began having major panic attacks about death and if she would have eternal life in Heaven. She cried uncontrollably all the time. Nothing could comfort her…we read the Bible together, we prayed together and just when I’d think she was confident in her salvation it would start again. It was hard to discern whether this was Satan playing tricks on her or whether it was God drawing her to Him…I mean she was saved…right?? I sent her to talk with our pastor who was great, and even though she felt better temporarily it didn’t last. My only conclusion of how to handle this was to pray for her. This was within her and for her to work through. We could be there for her, support her, and pray for her, but we could not discern for her or tell her what God was putting on her heart.

Summer break came and she put her focus on a ministry she wanted to start, which is making bracelets with encouraging words spelled out on them to send with mission teams to give out on their trips. This ministry gave her a focus and a purpose. She got so much support from family and friends and the church for this and it made her see what happens when you serve others for God’s glory. She also started a Bible Study that a college student in our church was holding for teenage girls. This Bible Study…I believe…was the catalyst for what was to come with Anna Kate’s story. She also went on her second mission trip to New Orleans and was once again blessed by serving others just to be able to share the gospel with them! She came back from New Orleans with a new spirit and light about her. It’s hard to explain, but it literally was a visible difference about her. Others from church even commented on how they loved seeing her during worship and how she brought them joy through her worship attitude. Honestly, it was hard for me to comprehend because the change in her was so apparent. God was working on our baby girl and He was working hard…because He wasn’t giving up on her!

Well, not too many days ago, my sweet Anna Kate was having a slight set back with some of her anxiety. This time it wasn’t necessarily spiritual anxiety, but just over a minor decision she had to make. Well, minor in my eyes, but not hers. Anyway, she called me in her room and told me she was having a panic attack over the decision she was trying to make, but instead of crying and freaking out…she put her headphones in with her worship music and started praising God. She said as she was in her worship time that God spoke to her heart and told her she needed to be saved. She was given confidence that her first salvation experience when she was in second grade was not a true one because she had really just copied her brother and followed his lead. God spoke this to her…not an audible voice, but through His Holy Spirit straight to her heart. She told me to sit down on her bed and be with her as she prayed. Right then and there…this precious soul…prayed the most beautiful, sweetest prayer and became a child of God, my sister in Christ and received eternal life! This Sunday she will be baptized in order to make the ultimate profession of faith and to be obedient to God. Just know…God draws people to Him in some way or another. Not all will follow Him…Not all will heed to His urging and His drawing, but my prayer is that every single person who took the time to read this essay will look at what He did with my 14 year old daughter…who has grown up blessed, in a Christian home, at church all the time and so on….He never gave up and she heard His call and she followed. Don’t ignore Him when he comes knocking on your heart…accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior is the best decision anyone could ever make! God is always there and He never gives up!

“Draw near to God and HE will draw near to you….” James 4:8

A letter to Bailee….

This was originally published to facebook May 18, 2017…

To my beautiful graduating daughter,
I’m not really sure it’s sunk in for me that it’s really here! Your high school graduation is really here. It’s a day we’ve talked about since you were born. One that seemed light years away and now it’s here.
Words simply cannot express how proud I am of you, oh but I am. I am so proud that sometimes I feel like I could absolutely bust! You have always been amazing to me since you were a tiny little girl.
So many words come to mind when I think of you so I’ll just get them all out here: strong, determined, stubborn, chill, blunt, Godly, pure, beautiful, hilarious, talented, artistic, twirler, sister, daughter, amazing, loyal, faithful, dedicated, committed, brutally honest, sleepy, and so many, many more!
God has already used you in mighty ways and I just can’t wait to see what else He has in store for you. He has provided me with so much peace regarding you and your future. I know He holds you in His hands and His plans are perfect.
I would’ve never dreamed that we would be celebrating your high school graduation and engagement in the same year, but again His plans are > than ours. God has blessed you with an awesome man to spend your life with and in a way others can’t understand God has given me so much peace and comfort. To know that you have found your soulmate and one who absolutely adores you is such a blessing.
Now, I think I’ll do ok tomorrow night when you graduate. I’m thinking I can pretty much hold back the tears mainly because I am so happy for you. However, when I drive you to Troy University in August, decorate your dorm room, and then leave without you…well I may need some support. It’s a day I am anxiously awaiting, but at the same time dreading.
I’m excited for that day because I know it’ll be the first day of a new life chapter for you and that’s just exciting. I’m dreading it because I know that I won’t get to see you every day like I have for the past 18 years. I won’t get to hear you laughing with your brother and sister or fighting with them! So it’ll be a new life chapter for all of us. I promise to use my time wisely and pour into Alex and Anna Kate the next four years, the same way I’ve poured into you throughout your high school days.
Bailee Claire, bayturtle, Bay, BayT, BaileeBug, Bug….know this… I love you absolutely more than you can ever imagine and I will always be here for you as long as I live. Many years ago I dedicated you to the Lord and made a commitment to bring you up to know and love Him. I think we’ve done a pretty decent job…with some screw ups here and there…but you little girl have exceeded all of my expectations of what I thought I was capable of raising and I owe it to God. He has given me the strength and the wisdom to bring you up to be who you are! Thank goodness because we surely couldn’t have done it without Him.
You go out there and conquer the world baby girl! Just always remember who you are and Whose you are. Protect your integrity and keep your eyes fixed on Him. I love you beautiful baby girl and congratulations!!
Love,
Mama

In Bailee’s words and Bailee’s style

I have invited Bailee to guest blog for me. She was my inspiration to start this blog. I love her story and I think it should be shared! So here she is….

so, my mom has been begging me to do this for a while. but, this is going to be a real laid back, casual, text conversation-like post. actually, i’m typing this on my phone right now. so if grammatical errors, and fragments make you uncomfortable you might want to stop here. this is going to be just as messed up as some people consider my life to be. ha. any english teacher i’ve ever had can testify that i’m awful at writing anyways so i figured i’d type like i normally text.

i’ll tell ya, i have not been through a lot in my eighteen years. no divorced parents, no close family deaths. if you put my life up next to a lot of folks’, you’d say that i’ve had a pretty good one. i’d say that too. but, i have been going through some stuff lately (by lately i mean ever since i’ve been engaged) that has really been changing me. God has really been showing me a lot.

for those of you who don’t know, i was engaged at seventeen years old. still in high school. i have never worried about what people think about me when it comes to decisions in my life because i know who i consult first and that’s Jesus. this time was different. i was terrified of what i was going to face at school the next day. i was afraid of what adults would say. i felt bad for if people would question my parents. well, i was scared for all of the right reasons. when i’ve told people that i’m eighteen, engaged, and moving to Italy… boy. you would not believe the responses. “well why are you doing that? “what are you going to do about college?” “do your parents know?” “that’s stupid.” yes, i’ve had people ask me if my parents know. and yes, i’ve had people tell me that it’s stupid. i’ll tell you why it’s like that. we live in a world where you get looked at like you’re ruining your future if you get married at eighteen, but yet people turn a blind eye to so much immorality my generation is surrounded by.

anyways, the responses i get are old. they get sooo old. so old, that sometimes i’ll avoid some people at all costs. not because i’m ashamed that i’m engaged, but because i’m really not in the mood for people to criticize my decisions that haven’t been made lightly.

well. i have come to the realization that the people who respond to my decisions in horrible ways don’t actually know me. if you know me, then you know that i’m ready for this. that the “college life” is not where i want to be. those who know me know that prayers, tears, and shouts to God have gone into this. those who have conversed with me, especially recently, know that i don’t want to be sitting around eating cheezit grooves in my free time while i wait for a boring 1:00 class to start. i want to go places, and see things that so many people my age will never get to do. i don’t want to waste my life away. i want to spend it with the love of my life, and adventure with him. goodness, that’s what i’m going to do. and guess what. the same GOD that’s in eclectic, and troy… He’s in italy too! that’s MY GOD. He is already there before i even go there. He is going to hold me there just like He holds me here. josh and i will find God wherever we go. and on the days when we feel like God’s not there… when we miss our families, etc. (we’re not perfect, we all have those days) who else will we be able to turn to than each other? we will grow so strong. no one will be able to take that away. we want to seize every God-given breath on this earth in the best ways possible. tomorrow is NOT guaranteed.

i will be doing online classes. trust me, i’m not skipping out on a degree. i’ll just be doing it in a different country. i also will still be lovin’ and trusting Jesus, most importantly. i’ll just be doing it in a different country. no i’m not going to med school, no i’m not a straight A student. but i love Jesus with all i’ve got and i strive to make Him happy over anyone else. i’ve got the most supportive family there is (this includes josh’s family) and the most awesome-est fiancé in the entire existence so i’d say i’m doing pretty good. and i LOVE what i’m doing with my life. and i am SO excited. NO. ONE. can steal my joy. no one.

before i “sign off,” i’d like to say i’m sorry if i’ve ruined anyone’s eyeballs from reading this messy piece of art. also, i’d like to leave some lyrics from one of my favorite songs. take them how you want. but thanks for sticking around to read all this. and thanks to those who support.

“i…i did it all.

i owned every second that this world could give.

i saw so many places

the things that i did

yeah, with every broken bone

i swear i lived.” – i lived, onerepublic

How this started…

I love to write. Not that I am good at it or use appropriate grammar or perfect mechanics all the time, but I just love to put my thoughts and feelings in writing. It’s like therapy to me. Recently, I have had to adjust to major changes going on in my life…particularly, my oldest child graduating from high school, leaving for college, all at the same time planning a wedding…in which once she’s married she will be joining her future husband who’s in the army in Italy….ALL OF THIS IN LESS THAN A YEAR. To say I’ve had a hard time adjusting to these changes is an understatement…so my daughter…suggested I start a blog as kind of a therapy for me. An outlet for my feelings. So that’s what I did. I originally started my writings in the notes section on Facebook, but that set up wasn’t really the kind of platform I feel like I needed so here I am. If possible I am going to upload my previous blogs to this site. So here I am, just your average mom, who is starting a blog about life…mainly my life…and my thoughts and feelings on it. Hopefully it will be enjoyable to read…hopefully someone will be blessed through my words…and hopefully I’ll get the therapy I need through it. So here we go…fasten your seat belt and enjoy the ride!