This was originally posted on Facebook July 17, 2017

 

Warning…This may be a lengthy read, but well worth it because the testimony within is so powerful. I think it is important to share her story because someone reading this may be going through something similar or know someone who is. Her story could make a difference to someone’s life, therefore I feel convicted to share. I have her blessing to share this as well.

 

This is Anna Kate! Anna Kate is my mini me in so many ways, however she is amazingly unique and one of a kind! To know her, and I mean REALLY know her, is to love her even though she can aggravate you to the core sometimes…because the next second she will have you laughing till you cry. Looking at that smile it would be hard to know the complex emotions, anxiety, and spiritual battle that was happening on the inside of this beautiful girl for quite some time. When I look back and try to pinpoint when I saw the battles within her it goes back to 7th grade. She was having a difficult time adjusting to school and there were times that it just seemed like no one took her school struggles seriously. We had to do quite a bit of advocating for her to get everyone on the same page and to realize her potential and how to reach it. Her saving grace that school year was band! It was the only thing that kept her from completely giving up academically…she kept it together so she could stay in band. What I never realized, and shame on me, is she wasn’t leaning on the Lord to get her through that difficult year. We were praying and asking Him for guidance, but I don’t really think she was. BUT…He was always there for her…tugging, nudging and never giving up.

 

On to 8th grade…so, so, so, much better. She had matured, we had found a better routine to help her in school, band was going great, and she had a teacher who got her…I mean really got her. This teacher found her strengths and her uniqueness and channeled those in a positive direction for her. Having that from the get go of the school year made all the difference. I mean I was still praying for her, but you know how it is when things are going good….we forget to Praise Him and thank Him and we definitely forget to give Him the glory sometimes. Second semester comes along in what I thought was smooth until she started sinking….this time not academically, but emotionally. She finally revealed to me the anxiety and spiritual battle going on within her. You see…Anna Kate accepted the Lord to be her Savior when she was in second grade…right along with her twin brother. The only problem was there never seemed to be growth or real change. I just passed it off as she was still maturing…maybe at a different rate than her twin brother or that her older sister had at that age…oh but hind sight being 20/20 now I know it was so much more than that.

 

The last several weeks of 8th grade my sweet Anna Kate was battling thoughts that her salvation may have not been true. She began having major panic attacks about death and if she would have eternal life in Heaven. She cried uncontrollably all the time. Nothing could comfort her…we read the Bible together, we prayed together and just when I’d think she was confident in her salvation it would start again. It was hard to discern whether this was Satan playing tricks on her or whether it was God drawing her to Him…I mean she was saved…right?? I sent her to talk with our pastor who was great, and even though she felt better temporarily it didn’t last. My only conclusion of how to handle this was to pray for her. This was within her and for her to work through. We could be there for her, support her, and pray for her, but we could not discern for her or tell her what God was putting on her heart.

 

Summer break came and she put her focus on a ministry she wanted to start, which is making bracelets with encouraging words spelled out on them to send with mission teams to give out on their trips. This ministry gave her a focus and a purpose. She got so much support from family and friends and the church for this and it made her see what happens when you serve others for God’s glory. She also started a Bible Study that a college student in our church was holding for teenage girls. This Bible Study…I believe…was the catalyst for what was to come with Anna Kate’s story. She also went on her second mission trip to New Orleans and was once again blessed by serving others just to be able to share the gospel with them! She came back from New Orleans with a new spirit and light about her. It’s hard to explain, but it literally was a visible difference about her. Others from church even commented on how they loved seeing her during worship and how she brought them joy through her worship attitude. Honestly, it was hard for me to comprehend because the change in her was so apparent. God was working on our baby girl and He was working hard…because He wasn’t giving up on her!

 

Well, not too many days ago, my sweet Anna Kate was having a slight set back with some of her anxiety. This time it wasn’t necessarily spiritual anxiety, but just over a minor decision she had to make. Well, minor in my eyes, but not hers. Anyway, she called me in her room and told me she was having a panic attack over the decision she was trying to make, but instead of crying and freaking out…she put her headphones in with her worship music and started praising God. She said as she was in her worship time that God spoke to her heart and told her she needed to be saved. She was given confidence that her first salvation experience when she was in second grade was not a true one because she had really just copied her brother and followed his lead. God spoke this to her…not an audible voice, but through His Holy Spirit straight to her heart. She told me to sit down on her bed and be with her as she prayed. Right then and there…this precious soul…prayed the most beautiful, sweetest prayer and became a child of God, my sister in Christ and received eternal life! This Sunday she will be baptized in order to make the ultimate profession of faith and to be obedient to God. Just know…God draws people to Him in some way or another. Not all will follow Him…Not all will heed to His urging and His drawing, but my prayer is that every single person who took the time to read this essay will look at what He did with my 14 year old daughter…who has grown up blessed, in a Christian home, at church all the time and so on….He never gave up and she heard His call and she followed. Don’t ignore Him when he comes knocking on your heart…accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior is the best decision anyone could ever make! God is always there and He never gives up!

 

“Draw near to God and HE will draw near to you….” James 4:8

 

This was originally published to facebook May 18, 2017…

To my beautiful graduating daughter,
I’m not really sure it’s sunk in for me that it’s really here! Your high school graduation is really here. It’s a day we’ve talked about since you were born. One that seemed light years away and now it’s here.
Words simply cannot express how proud I am of you, oh but I am. I am so proud that sometimes I feel like I could absolutely bust! You have always been amazing to me since you were a tiny little girl.
So many words come to mind when I think of you so I’ll just get them all out here: strong, determined, stubborn, chill, blunt, Godly, pure, beautiful, hilarious, talented, artistic, twirler, sister, daughter, amazing, loyal, faithful, dedicated, committed, brutally honest, sleepy, and so many, many more!
God has already used you in mighty ways and I just can’t wait to see what else He has in store for you. He has provided me with so much peace regarding you and your future. I know He holds you in His hands and His plans are perfect.
I would’ve never dreamed that we would be celebrating your high school graduation and engagement in the same year, but again His plans are > than ours. God has blessed you with an awesome man to spend your life with and in a way others can’t understand God has given me so much peace and comfort. To know that you have found your soulmate and one who absolutely adores you is such a blessing.
Now, I think I’ll do ok tomorrow night when you graduate. I’m thinking I can pretty much hold back the tears mainly because I am so happy for you. However, when I drive you to Troy University in August, decorate your dorm room, and then leave without you…well I may need some support. It’s a day I am anxiously awaiting, but at the same time dreading.
I’m excited for that day because I know it’ll be the first day of a new life chapter for you and that’s just exciting. I’m dreading it because I know that I won’t get to see you every day like I have for the past 18 years. I won’t get to hear you laughing with your brother and sister or fighting with them! So it’ll be a new life chapter for all of us. I promise to use my time wisely and pour into Alex and Anna Kate the next four years, the same way I’ve poured into you throughout your high school days.
Bailee Claire, bayturtle, Bay, BayT, BaileeBug, Bug….know this… I love you absolutely more than you can ever imagine and I will always be here for you as long as I live. Many years ago I dedicated you to the Lord and made a commitment to bring you up to know and love Him. I think we’ve done a pretty decent job…with some screw ups here and there…but you little girl have exceeded all of my expectations of what I thought I was capable of raising and I owe it to God. He has given me the strength and the wisdom to bring you up to be who you are! Thank goodness because we surely couldn’t have done it without Him.
You go out there and conquer the world baby girl! Just always remember who you are and Whose you are. Protect your integrity and keep your eyes fixed on Him. I love you beautiful baby girl and congratulations!!
Love,
Mama

 

I have invited Bailee to guest blog for me. She was my inspiration to start this blog. I love her story and I think it should be shared! So here she is….

so, my mom has been begging me to do this for a while. but, this is going to be a real laid back, casual, text conversation-like post. actually, i’m typing this on my phone right now. so if grammatical errors, and fragments make you uncomfortable you might want to stop here. this is going to be just as messed up as some people consider my life to be. ha. any english teacher i’ve ever had can testify that i’m awful at writing anyways so i figured i’d type like i normally text.

i’ll tell ya, i have not been through a lot in my eighteen years. no divorced parents, no close family deaths. if you put my life up next to a lot of folks’, you’d say that i’ve had a pretty good one. i’d say that too. but, i have been going through some stuff lately (by lately i mean ever since i’ve been engaged) that has really been changing me. God has really been showing me a lot.

for those of you who don’t know, i was engaged at seventeen years old. still in high school. i have never worried about what people think about me when it comes to decisions in my life because i know who i consult first and that’s Jesus. this time was different. i was terrified of what i was going to face at school the next day. i was afraid of what adults would say. i felt bad for if people would question my parents. well, i was scared for all of the right reasons. when i’ve told people that i’m eighteen, engaged, and moving to Italy… boy. you would not believe the responses. “well why are you doing that? “what are you going to do about college?” “do your parents know?” “that’s stupid.” yes, i’ve had people ask me if my parents know. and yes, i’ve had people tell me that it’s stupid. i’ll tell you why it’s like that. we live in a world where you get looked at like you’re ruining your future if you get married at eighteen, but yet people turn a blind eye to so much immorality my generation is surrounded by.

anyways, the responses i get are old. they get sooo old. so old, that sometimes i’ll avoid some people at all costs. not because i’m ashamed that i’m engaged, but because i’m really not in the mood for people to criticize my decisions that haven’t been made lightly.

well. i have come to the realization that the people who respond to my decisions in horrible ways don’t actually know me. if you know me, then you know that i’m ready for this. that the “college life” is not where i want to be. those who know me know that prayers, tears, and shouts to God have gone into this. those who have conversed with me, especially recently, know that i don’t want to be sitting around eating cheezit grooves in my free time while i wait for a boring 1:00 class to start. i want to go places, and see things that so many people my age will never get to do. i don’t want to waste my life away. i want to spend it with the love of my life, and adventure with him. goodness, that’s what i’m going to do. and guess what. the same GOD that’s in eclectic, and troy… He’s in italy too! that’s MY GOD. He is already there before i even go there. He is going to hold me there just like He holds me here. josh and i will find God wherever we go. and on the days when we feel like God’s not there… when we miss our families, etc. (we’re not perfect, we all have those days) who else will we be able to turn to than each other? we will grow so strong. no one will be able to take that away. we want to seize every God-given breath on this earth in the best ways possible. tomorrow is NOT guaranteed.

i will be doing online classes. trust me, i’m not skipping out on a degree. i’ll just be doing it in a different country. i also will still be lovin’ and trusting Jesus, most importantly. i’ll just be doing it in a different country. no i’m not going to med school, no i’m not a straight A student. but i love Jesus with all i’ve got and i strive to make Him happy over anyone else. i’ve got the most supportive family there is (this includes josh’s family) and the most awesome-est fiancé in the entire existence so i’d say i’m doing pretty good. and i LOVE what i’m doing with my life. and i am SO excited. NO. ONE. can steal my joy. no one.

before i “sign off,” i’d like to say i’m sorry if i’ve ruined anyone’s eyeballs from reading this messy piece of art. also, i’d like to leave some lyrics from one of my favorite songs. take them how you want. but thanks for sticking around to read all this. and thanks to those who support.

“i…i did it all.

i owned every second that this world could give.

i saw so many places

the things that i did

yeah, with every broken bone

i swear i lived.” – i lived, onerepublic