Life with Mom… “home”

My sister started a series called Life with Mom for all of us to write in when we feel led. Tonight I feel led. You see…today is Wednesday…and that means it’s my night to spend the night with Mama. I love my time with her, but this is a blog of reality. The reality is, even though I love my time with her it can also be challenging and heartbreaking because dementia just sucks!

This is what dementia looks like:

You see these bags. These are the bags my mama packs every day because she wants to go home. The problem is she is home. She’s at her house every single day. Even though she is surrounded by her things, photographs of her family, and 28 years of memories, she doesn’t think she’s at home. Even though you can ask her where something is and 9 out of 10 times she can find it, she doesn’t think she is home.

We have used every trick in the book to try to help her understand she is home. Sometimes it works, but only temporarily. I really wish I could get inside of her mind and understand what she is going through. It’s so hard on this side of things. We have learned that it’s not worth arguing with her or spending too much time trying to convince her. We are gentle with her and just love on her the best we can. She gets very distraught and upset at times when she wants to go home and we don’t take her right then. Sometimes we have to ride her around and then let her tell us how to get home. We get here and let her unlock the door with her key. She walks in and is so glad to be home. It could be thirty minutes later or 12 hours later and she is packing to go home again. I bet for her it’s almost like living in the movie Groundhog Day or 50 First Dates.

Here’s the thing…she’s not completely wrong. You’ve heard the saying “home is where the heart is”. Well her heart isn’t here anymore. He went to heaven almost two months ago. Daddy was her home and he’s gone. So it’s understanding she’s searching for home.

Lastly, in a spiritual sense this isn’t her home. It’s just a place she’s passing through. She knows the Lord and one day He will call her home. On that day she will he reunited with Daddy and she will be forever home. Until then, we will do all we can to make her feel at home and to comfort her.