When it rains…

If you live in Alabama like I do then you know we have had more than our fair share of rain lately. I honestly can’t remember experiencing anything like this amount of rain before. It’s probably happened, but at this point in my life it is having a direct impact on me. It is creating a point of stress in an already emotional thunderstorm I am living in.

The storm in my life began about a year ago. Almost a year ago is when we found out Daddy had cancer and that he would most likely not survive it. Almost a week after that mama had a stroke that changed her…majorly. In a week’s time my life and my role in the lives of my parents changed. I, along with my sisters, became the caregiver and the decision maker. Not to mention I still have that role in my household as I’m still raising children. I’m not complaining because I am grateful for the time God allowed me to spend with my daddy caring for him before he went to heaven and the time I’ve gotten to spend with my mama caring for her. As thankful as I am, it doesn’t change the fact that it has been stressful.

Just as storms often do…the one in my life continued to brew. Daddy passed away two and a half months ago. Since then mama’s confusion and condition has rapidly gotten worse. So much so, that for her own safety and well being, my sisters and I have had to make some really tough decisions. We haven’t done so without prayer and peaceful discernment from God; it’s still been hard and some of the most anguish filled times in my life. The storm just keeps on brewing….

…figuratively and now literally. I coach soccer at our high school. I coach the girls varsity and junior varsity teams. Coaching high school girls is not for the faint of heart. When girls tryout to play soccer…they want to play. They don’t mind practicing…to an extent, but they want to play…actual games. Well the amount of rain we have had lately has truly crippled our season and our game time. Trying to keep them interested and engaged in meaningful practice either indoors or on days that aren’t normal practice days is more stressful than you can imagine. Trying to explain to them why you have no control over the weather or the conditions of the playing field due to the weather is harder than you think. This is an added stress into my life’s brewing storm. But so far I’ve been pushing on and trudging through with a fairly positive attitude.

The one ray of sunshine in this raging storm for the past year came to us around the time we lost Daddy. My beautiful daughter and handsome son in law announced they were expecting a baby in July and that they’d be moving back to the states in April! Finally, something we could smile about and something we could celebrate. That calm “during” the storm didn’t last long. Although her pregnancy is healthy and normal so far, her surroundings aren’t. There’s a slight issue going on in the world and is particularly heavier in her part of the world and that’s the Coronavirus. This epidemic has put a halt on their move back to the states and has taken my life’s storm to new heights.

I woke up this morning paralyzed. I literally could not get out of bed. I could not get myself up and ready for church…the one place where I usually can find peace and comfort. Instead I have laid here and thought “I can’t take one more thing!” I just really can’t.

I’ve laid here for at least two hours drowning in my own tears and my own pity party. I think that sometimes we have to have that moment where it all comes crashing down. It’s only then that we can “look up”. I look up and see that God has found me yet again. He knows it all. He knows the storm and He knows how to calm it. He tells me to “be still and know that He is God” and he’s got this. I don’t think I would’ve heard his still, small voice had I gone to church and I think that’s ok. Today my worship time was alone, in my house, in my room. Don’t get me wrong…I need the church…I need my church family…but first I needed to see God and be reminded He is in control and He knows best. He’s in control of the metaphorical storm in my life and He’s in charge of the literal storms too. I don’t know when, but I do know in His time He will calm the raging sea…and all I can do while I wait is Praise Him in the Storm.